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"Three Things You Need To Know When Having a Borderline Personality Spouse"

By Michael Weisz

 

Are you having a Borderline Personality Spouse, wondering what is causing this mental disorder, and what can you do to improve your marriage?

Indeed, living with a husband or wife who is having borderline personality can be quite challenging at times and you need to know a few crucial things in order to ease on things between you and your spouse.

The first thing you need to know is that BPD is a mental disorder and not an illness.

What’s the difference between the two?

Although both can manifest in very similar ways, their backbone is completely different, and therefore the way to approach them is also different.

So on the one hand BPD is a mental disorder while schizophrenia and epilepsy for instance are mental illnesses.

A mental illness denotes mental conditions that are caused by physical and/or functional disturbances in the brain.

However a mental disorder describes a condition which resides in the ways one thinks, feels, and adapts to problems and challenges. And the way one thinks is based essentially on information processing patterns and habits, which are learned.

And they can be replaced with new and healthy thought patterns through the same process of learning and habit creation, but this time in a deliberate manner.

The second essential thing you need to know about your borderline personality spouse is that his or her behavior and emotion control problems stem from upbringing, from the child-parent/-s relationship when your spouse was a child.

You may have heard him/her telling you or mentioning about painful early experiences when your spouse went through abusive, deprecating, or belittling experiences especially with his parents, caregivers, or close family relatives/friends.

Those early painful encounters are unconsciously relived every time a similar situation or challenge arises in the present time, leading to intense distress, frustration, or even anger.

When these emotions are coupled with a slight emotion regulation inability, the rage episodes, unfounded accusations, and impulsivity are just one moment away.

So what can you do for your borderline personality spouse to improve your relationship?

This is where the third thing you need to know comes in.

The way to go with a BPD is to relate to your life partner in such a way that his/her unmet emotional and cognitive needs are fulfilled while putting up with the daily activities at the same time.

For instance, if your spouse was excessively criticized by his or her parents, you should communicate in a non-critique manner. Moreover you will have to actually say that you are not criticizing, but pointing out things that need to be done/improved/accomplished etc.

If your spouse was physically and/or emotionally abused, he or she is almost certainly having a fear of belittlement. So the way to go with him/her is to get closer to him/her, talk about his/her problems, concerns, and fears, and set out to find solutions together for the daily issues and challenges.

If you want more information on how to relate with borderline personality people, click here.


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