Things You Need To Know When Having a
Borderline Personality Spouse"
By Michael Weisz
Are you having
a Borderline Personality Spouse,
wondering what is causing this mental
disorder, and what can you do to improve
Indeed, living with
a husband or wife who is having borderline
personality can be quite challenging at
times and you need to know a few crucial
things in order to ease on things between
you and your spouse.
The first thing you
need to know is that BPD is a mental
disorder and not an illness.
difference between the two?
Although both can
manifest in very similar ways, their
backbone is completely different, and
therefore the way to approach them is also
So on the one hand
BPD is a mental disorder while schizophrenia
and epilepsy for instance are mental
A mental illness
denotes mental conditions that are caused by
physical and/or functional disturbances in
However a mental
disorder describes a condition which resides
in the ways one thinks, feels, and adapts to
problems and challenges. And the way one
thinks is based essentially on information
processing patterns and habits, which are
And they can be
replaced with new and healthy thought
patterns through the same process of
learning and habit creation, but this time
in a deliberate manner.
The second essential
thing you need to know about your borderline
personality spouse is that his or her
behavior and emotion control problems stem
from upbringing, from the child-parent/-s
relationship when your spouse was a child.
You may have heard
him/her telling you or mentioning about
painful early experiences when your spouse
went through abusive, deprecating, or
belittling experiences especially with his
parents, caregivers, or close family
Those early painful
encounters are unconsciously relived every
time a similar situation or challenge arises
in the present time, leading to intense
distress, frustration, or even anger.
When these emotions
are coupled with a slight emotion regulation
inability, the rage episodes, unfounded
accusations, and impulsivity are just one
So what can you do
for your borderline personality spouse to
improve your relationship?
This is where the
third thing you need to know comes in.
The way to go with a
BPD is to relate to your life partner in
such a way that his/her unmet emotional and
cognitive needs are fulfilled while putting
up with the daily activities at the same
For instance, if
your spouse was excessively criticized by
his or her parents, you should communicate
in a non-critique manner. Moreover you will
have to actually say that you are not
criticizing, but pointing out things that
need to be done/improved/accomplished etc.
If your spouse was
physically and/or emotionally abused, he or
she is almost certainly having a fear of
belittlement. So the way to go with him/her
is to get closer to him/her, talk about
his/her problems, concerns, and fears, and
set out to find solutions together for the
daily issues and challenges.
If you want more
information on how to relate with borderline