The period after splitting from a BPD partner can be very painful and can last from a few weeks to months or even years. People with borderline personality are paradoxical, change moods very quickly, it is difficult to get along with them, and many times you have probably felt like nothing seemed to be good enough no matter how hard you have tried.
Your ex may have even left you leaving the impression that you are the reason for all the problems.
Here are a few tips to help you cross quicker this difficult time for you and with less emotional distress by giving you a few crucial insights about BPD. This way you will be able to understand what really happened so you can get on with your life.
In a BPD relationship, the one that has borderline personality comes from a childhood or adolescence that can be described as extremely difficult in emotional terms. Studies and daily experience is showing that people who have BPD had to go through intense mental and emotional invalidations during their first years of life. These invalidations can span from mild ones like callousness, lack of support, or bullying, to extreme situations like sexual abuses and physical maltreatments.
Children come into this world with an instinctive need for love, care, and support from their adult caregivers, and when these needs are not fulfilled, the child will feel abandoned on an unconscious level.
Have you noticed that those children whose parents are caring, supporting, and attach them securely, are more self-confident, socialize much better, are outgoing, and have a positive personality? On the other hand, those children whose parents are cold, uninvolved, or abusive, are fearful, withdrawn, fear social interactions, and have a low self-esteem?
Well, the parent-child interaction has a lot to do with this.
And when these invalidations happen on a constant basis, by young adulthood the child has high chances to develop borderline personality.
One of the typical symptoms in a BPD relationship is the fear of abandonment of the borderline one. But this fear will usually manifest in a paradoxical way. The higher the abandonment fear, the higher the chances in the BPD to develop chaotic relationships, and even desert without any previous notice. Leaving the partner in total shock and wondering what went wrong. Not to mention the quick changes from one extreme into the other, like from the seemingly perfect relationship to total chaos, fights, or blaming.
So most probably you had nothing to do with all the hurdles your ex borderline partner has brought into your life.
If you want to learn how to get over the pain you've been left with, click here.