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"Are You Living With Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder?"

By Michael Weisz


Are you Living with someone with Borderline Personality Disorder? Is this relationship difficult and challenging to you and looking for answers?

There are a few things you need to know about this mental disorder to help you implement the tips and strategies presented in the second part of this article.

To start with, the fear of abandonment is probably the most pregnant characteristic of borderline personality. It is rooted in specific negative, invalidating, and abusive experiences in his/her childhood or adolescence.

During the early years of life, we humans need our adult parentsí or caregiversí attention, love, and affection, thus when they are instead repulsive or abusive with us we tend to see these unconsciously as acts of abandonment or punishment.

If our significant adults relate to a child consistently this way, that child will be inclined to conclude arbitrarily that the reason is him/her. Moreover if such parental behaviors will keep on coming on, the childís conclusion will be reinforced and will become a central belief about his/her person.

Once present, this central belief coupled with others related will elicit certain behaviors and attitudes specific to borderline personality.

In borderline sufferers this fear of abandonment can manifest sometimes as a powerful phobia or even horror.

So from a non-bpd stand point, living with someone with borderline personality disorder means giving an unlimited amount of love, affection, understanding, and reassurance.

The invalidating behaviors of parents come usually unexpected, so the child will think that abandonment can come at any moment, even if everything was fine one minute ago.

So a good strategy to address your loved oneís need for constant reassurance is to let him/her know about your love, affection, and support, and ALSO mentioning that all these remain true even if you are not at home or youíre busy with your daily responsibilities.

Saying it this way will let your dear one know that s-/he can be sure about your feelings even if at a given moment you canít express them for whatever reason.

Doing so when living with someone with borderline personality disorder will not only help regain his/her inner balance, but it will also give a blessing and positive spin to your relationship.

Borderline sufferers are also known for their difficulty to control and manage their emotions, turning suddenly their apparent calmness into rage episodes or manipulation. Some could see these sudden temper shifts as signs of selfishness or narcissism while in most cases they are simply signs of a desperate need for validation, love, and understanding.

So instead of you giving in, what you would like to do is to remain calm and collected, to reiterate your feelings, and dismiss the unwanted behaviors of your dear one on a calm and firm voice.

By doing so you will remind your loved one that your feelings are still the same despite his/her behaviors, while at the same time giving a negative feedback to the unwanted behaviors without being accusative. 

It may not work from the first time, but this strategy speaks directly to the central needs of a borderline person, so it will eventually bring the needed results.

And if you want to get a full education on how to relate with borderline personality people so that you don't "push their buttons", click here!

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