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"Self-Hatred in Borderline Personality Disorder"

By Michael Weisz

 

Welcome to a new episode of "The Weekly Q&A" sessions.

Today I would like to address an aspect too little discussed when things involve BPD: SELF-HATRED.

As an ex-BPD I know so very well the almost constant emotional pain and strain this problem causes to us.

I can remember moments or instances when I felt like one part of me was fighting against another part of me.

But in order to function normally I had to fight back that part that was against the other part of me.

Crazy, isn't it?

It was like a civil war where all the belligerent parties were the same person: me.

I mean it was like I was against myself and in order to keep that "against me" part I had to fight it with yet another part of me.

Back than, if a non-BPD would have known what was really going on inside of me, he/she would have thought that I was a fruit cake.

So where is this self-hatred coming from? Why most of the borderline personality people are having such excruciating internal conflicts?

To start with, our mental has three "levels": the conscious, the subconscious, and the unconscious.

The moment one level thinks differently from another one, there is an internal conflict.

For instance one of our unconscious needs is love. We need to be loved by other people, we need their care, their personal attention.

We all know from experience that when we don't get other peoples' love we tend to feel down and depressed. And things can get even worse when others hate us.

I mean, evolution implanted in us this deep need for love and became one of the pillars of our sociability, which in turn is the main pillar of our success as a species.

So we humans know instinctively that we need to stay close to other humans in order to have our physical needs for survival fulfilled, especially children.

Now let's imagine that a child grows up in a family where the parents are almost constantly criticizing or punishing his or her behaviors one way or the other. What I mean by almost constantly is very frequent unconstructive critique, frequent downing, rejection, emotional blackmail, bullying, unrealistic mistrust, combined with emotional callousness.

In children this need for love and attachment is so powerful that nature wired our brain in such a way that the child will intuitively want to comply and try to adapt to the parent/-s or caregivers just to get their love and attention. 

Now if a child has to deal with such parental demeanors for long time periods he or she will be inclined to actually believe that there is a problem with him or her. They think that otherwise the adults wouldn't relate negatively to them.

So the child actually comes to believe that he/she is inappropriate, isn't good enough, and is doing only bad things or other negative self-attitudes just to gain the parents' or caregivers approval and good will.

This strategy works well on the short run to ensure the child's needs for survival, however it can leave deep mental and emotional marks on the long run.

The negative feedbacks coming from the parents can become internal models of the self, which affecting many important life areas can turn into major impediments in personal or professional fulfillment. These can consequently turn into self-hatred because the BPD sufferer feels like he or she is his/her worst enemy.

Also at some point the coping strategies (e.g. invest more energy into attention and mental focus which slow down reaction time by over analysis and rumination) aren't efficient anymore when daily tasks become more challenging or when mental fatigue comes up.

Usually the negative self attitudes and monologues are stored in the subconscious mind where they are leading our life from a hidden position.

These negative internal self-perceptions are destructive in two ways. First, they create an internal conflict between the subconscious where they are stored (e.g. I am unlovable) and the consequent unconscious need (i.e. the need for love and care). Secondly, the internal negative self-perception makes the sufferer think and behave in such ways that reinforce it. For instance a person who believes he/she is unworthy of others' love and care will push others away or act needy which will make people reject him/her, thus creating the external proof of that belief.

On the other hand, people who are self-confident seem to always get what they want, even in the realm of relationship.

"Either you think you can or can't, you are usually right!"

One way to change the self-hatred into self-love is to start doing nice things for yourself. For instance if you tend to work too much in order to numb the pain your self-hatred is causing you, try to shorten your working time with one or two hours. Use that extra free time doing things that you like. For instance if you like to cook you could prepare a delicious meal for yourself, buy a nice piece of clothing, take a hot bath with essential oils, or read that book you were putting off for a while.

Remember, you can't feel loved by doing things that are preventing you from giving attention and care to yourself. Also we first need to love and care for ourselves in order to attract others' love, attention, and care.

This change in your mental attitude might seem hard now but the rewards are extremely positive and beneficial for your mental and emotional well being on the long-run.

Self-hatred is just one aspect in borderline personality. So if you want to get a complete education on what you need to do and HOW you need to do, my "Borderline Personality Begone!" Program is has EVERYTHING you are looking for.

From emotional support, changing the self-defeating thoughts, beliefs, and attitudes, dealing with addictions, cravings, and impulsivity, relaxation techniques to boost your energy and improve your healing speed, addresses ALL four BPD Pitfalls that are making up The BPD Circle Of Pain, fast mental and emotional restructuring techniques and exercises, addressing the associated mental disorders, and alleviating the pain and problems in other related life areas like relationships, dating, sex, professional life, success, and work performance.

"Borderline Personality Begone!" contains the exact step-by-step system I have used to treat my borderline personality myself. YES, you read that right. And you can treat yourself your borderline personality too without spending years to study psychology, treatment protocolls, trying tens of techniques and strategies until you'll find the ones that for for BPD. I've already done it and they are all included in my program. Additionally I have included some of the techniques and exercises I used on myself. They speed up the transformation process of the borderline structures of the personality by providing you with pin-pointed solutions to some of the specific problems and symptoms.

So if you wan to get the COMPLETE training on overcoming your BPD yourself, start today by ordering my "Borderline Personality Begone!" Program.

Talk to you soon,
Michael


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