in Borderline Personality Disorder"
By Michael Weisz
Welcome to a
new episode of "The Weekly Q&A" sessions.
Today I would like
to address an aspect too little discussed
when things involve BPD: SELF-HATRED.
As an ex-BPD I know
so very well the almost constant emotional
pain and strain this problem causes to us.
I can remember
moments or instances when I felt like one
part of me was fighting against another part
But in order to
function normally I had to fight back that
part that was against the other part of me.
Crazy, isn't it?
It was like a civil
war where all the belligerent parties were
the same person: me.
I mean it was like I
was against myself and in order to keep that
"against me" part I had to fight it with yet
another part of me.
Back than, if a
non-BPD would have known what was really
going on inside of me, he/she would have
thought that I was a fruit cake.
So where is this
self-hatred coming from? Why most of the
borderline personality people are having
such excruciating internal conflicts?
To start with, our
mental has three "levels": the conscious,
the subconscious, and the unconscious.
The moment one level
thinks differently from another one, there
is an internal conflict.
For instance one of
our unconscious needs is love. We need to be
loved by other people, we need their care,
their personal attention.
We all know from
experience that when we don't get other
peoples' love we tend to feel down and
depressed. And things can get even worse
when others hate us.
I mean, evolution
implanted in us this deep need for love and
became one of the pillars of our
sociability, which in turn is the main
pillar of our success as a species.
So we humans know
instinctively that we need to stay close to
other humans in order to have our physical
needs for survival fulfilled, especially
Now let's imagine
that a child grows up in a family where the
parents are almost constantly criticizing or
punishing his or her behaviors one way or
the other. What I mean by almost constantly
is very frequent unconstructive critique,
frequent downing, rejection, emotional
blackmail, bullying, unrealistic mistrust,
combined with emotional callousness.
In children this
need for love and attachment is so powerful
that nature wired our brain in such a way
that the child will intuitively want to
comply and try to adapt to the parent/-s or
caregivers just to get their love and
Now if a child has
to deal with such parental demeanors for
long time periods he or she will be inclined
to actually believe that there is a problem
with him or her. They think that otherwise
the adults wouldn't relate negatively to
So the child
actually comes to believe that he/she is
inappropriate, isn't good enough, and is
doing only bad things or other negative
self-attitudes just to gain the parents' or
caregivers approval and good will.
This strategy works
well on the short run to ensure the child's
needs for survival, however it can leave
deep mental and emotional marks on the long
feedbacks coming from the parents can become
internal models of the self, which affecting
many important life areas can turn into
major impediments in personal or
professional fulfillment. These can
consequently turn into self-hatred because
the BPD sufferer feels like he or she is
his/her worst enemy.
Also at some point
the coping strategies (e.g. invest more
energy into attention and mental focus which
slow down reaction time by over analysis and
rumination) aren't efficient anymore when
daily tasks become more challenging or when
mental fatigue comes up.
Usually the negative
self attitudes and monologues are stored in
the subconscious mind where they are leading
our life from a hidden position.
internal self-perceptions are destructive in
two ways. First, they create an internal
conflict between the subconscious where they
are stored (e.g. I am unlovable) and the
consequent unconscious need (i.e. the need
for love and care). Secondly, the internal
negative self-perception makes the sufferer
think and behave in such ways that reinforce
it. For instance a person who believes
he/she is unworthy of others' love and care
will push others away or act needy which
will make people reject him/her, thus
creating the external proof of that belief.
On the other hand,
people who are self-confident seem to always
get what they want, even in the realm of
"Either you think
you can or can't, you are usually right!"
One way to change
the self-hatred into self-love is to start
doing nice things for yourself. For instance
if you tend to work too much in order to
numb the pain your self-hatred is causing
you, try to shorten your working time with
one or two hours. Use that extra free time
doing things that you like. For instance if
you like to cook you could prepare a
delicious meal for yourself, buy a nice
piece of clothing, take a hot bath with
essential oils, or read that book you were
putting off for a while.
Remember, you can't
feel loved by doing things that are
preventing you from giving attention and
care to yourself. Also we first need to love
and care for ourselves in order to attract
others' love, attention, and care.
This change in your
mental attitude might seem hard now but the
rewards are extremely positive and
beneficial for your mental and emotional
well being on the long-run.
Self-hatred is just
one aspect in borderline personality. So if
you want to get a complete education on what
you need to do and HOW you need to do, my
"Borderline Personality Begone!" Program
is has EVERYTHING you are looking for.
support, changing the self-defeating
thoughts, beliefs, and attitudes, dealing
with addictions, cravings, and impulsivity,
relaxation techniques to boost your energy
and improve your healing speed, addresses
ALL four BPD Pitfalls that are making up The
BPD Circle Of Pain, fast mental and
emotional restructuring techniques and
exercises, addressing the associated mental
disorders, and alleviating the pain and
problems in other related life areas like
relationships, dating, sex, professional
life, success, and work performance.
contains the exact step-by-step system I
have used to treat my borderline personality
myself. YES, you read that right. And you
can treat yourself your borderline
personality too without spending years to
study psychology, treatment protocolls,
trying tens of techniques and strategies
until you'll find the ones that for for BPD.
I've already done it and they are all
included in my program. Additionally I have
included some of the techniques and
exercises I used on myself. They speed up
the transformation process of the borderline
structures of the personality by providing
you with pin-pointed solutions to some of
the specific problems and symptoms.
So if you wan to get
the COMPLETE training on overcoming your BPD
yourself, start today by ordering my
Personality Begone!" Program.
Talk to you soon,